This bird played a terribly small role in my last two days at BookExpo America. In fact, it played no role at all. It was hanging out in the booth of some veterinary-themed publisher that I happened to walk by. I took its picture because I thought it looked cool. If I can think of some way to make it relevant to this blog post on some metaphoric level, I shall, but for now, dear reader, you will have to content yourself with starting this dispatch on a red herring (or a black toucan, as it were).

BEA rocked. For those who don’t know, BookExpo America is this enormous trade show for the publishing industry that was held this year at the LA Convention Center. And I went. Coolness.

It was an intense two days (I went just for Friday and Saturday). I schmoozed my heart out, got lots of free books, walked till my feet were falling off, and gave away a million business cards. On Friday, I was interviewed for a short podcast, which went well, and then, I had a half-hour book signing.

The signing was lots of fun. There were about 25-30 tables lined up in the signing hall. Some, for the big authors, had huge lines. Some, for the unknown folks, had no line. While there was never a huge line for me, I did have a steady flow of people for pretty much the entire half-hour, and we went through 3 boxes of books. It was a real trip meeting all the strangers who came to my table and knowing that many of them would actually be reading my book. Even knowing that some of them would only turn around and try to sell the book on eBay still filled me with a certain kind of warmth. Good times.

After the signing, Ben, the William Morrow publicity dude who had been assigned to look after me, helped me carry two of the three remaining book boxes the length of the Convention Center, back to the Harper Collins booth. I would later return for the third. As I said, lots of walking. I signed these other three boxes later in the day at the Harper Collins booth, and half of those went while I was standing there. The rest were all gone by first thing Saturday morning, and my only regret was that we didn’t have more to give away.

Here are some highlights from the rest of the weekend:

- Meeting Brad Meltzer in person — finally. Yes, the very same New York Times bestselling author who was generous enough to give me such an amazing blurb on the back of my book. After missing him at several turns on Friday, I actually spotted him on Saturday quite randomly as he was walking through the Harper Collins booth. I accosted him and we talked briefly. Very nice guy. I went to a signing of his later that same day.

- Meeting Markos Moulitsas Zúniga, founder of the influential left-wing blog DailyKos.com. We chatted for a minute at his casual in-booth signing, and I gave him a copy of The Scandal Plan. Either he was supremely polite, or he actually seemed interested in reading it (or both, I suppose). I’ve been wanting to get him a copy of the book for some time, so running into him at this signing was a great surprise.

- Meeting Christopher Buckley, who, when presented with my card, said he’d recently received my book in the mail (my agent sent it), and was now happy to put a face with the name.

- getting an autographed copy of Salman Rushdie’s new book.

- telling Berkely Breathed — in a rare moment of star-struck-ness for me — that I loved him. Twice.

- Free books! Many of them bearing the author’s signature. And then lugging these books around for the entire day in my backpack and in complimentary tote bags till my back ached and my body started to reject me.

- the line for the Brad Meltzer signing passed by a large pile of Christopher Buckley books, and many people took a copy as they passed. This gave me an unprecedentedly good opening line with those in my vicinity: “Well, if you like Brad Meltzer AND Christopher Buckley, I simply have to give you my card.” In general, I found waiting in lines was a great way to meet people.

- Hanging out with other authors! I spent a lot of time with Brunonia (Sandy) Barry, author of the upcoming Harper Collins release, The Lace Reader, and her husband, Gary, and became quite friendly with them. I also had a good time chilling with Chris Moore and several others at the Harper Collins party on Saturday night.

- Getting my schmooze on with all the Harper Collins folks. Throughout the weekend, Ben was very helpful in introducing me to all the people I needed to befriend. I hung out with the people who are selling my book, reps for B&N and Borders, more B&N folks, publicity people, marketing people, the head of Morrow, the Harper Collins CEO, CFO, etc. All were nice humans and, for the most part, easy to talk to.

- Jane Friedman’s Harper Collins party on the Fox studio backlot. It was a star-studded affair. I saw Jaime Lee Curtis, Mariel Hemingway, Yeardley Smith, Kevin Nealon, and Ron Jeremy, although I spent most of my time schmoozing with book folks and not stalking celebs. It was a sweet victory for me to be at this party, right next to the office building where I once worked a crappy temp job.

- Being the last ones to leave aforementioned party on Saturday at 9pm. Actually, if I’m being totally accurate, I think the last person to leave the party was Ron Jeremy and the folks he was talking to, but we were second to last – Myself, Sandy and Gary Barry and her editor, and a charming fellow named Bob who apparently was a Barnes & Noble VP and waxed poetic about his role as bookseller.

Much like a toucan in the jungles of South America, I felt this weekend—-Nope, sorry, can’t do it. Can’t make the toucan relevant. Can’t bring it back to where we started. I’ll just have to end the post on a different note.

Final thoughts? Do I have them? Let’s see. Book Expo was a humbling experience on one level, the level where you realize your book is one of thousands that is competing for an audience — and, of those, it isn’t even one of the more important titles for your publisher. But it was also empowering for a few reasons. First, because it made me feel like a real author, like the peer of all these other “real” authors I so admire. Second, because it made success seem so close and reachable (if only we can get people to know about this book…). And finally, because it gave me confidence in my ability to schmooze and charm. I think I’m actually becoming somewhat adept at it, much like … yes, much like the sweet-voiced toucan who charms you into buying his sugary cereal …

I’m leaving for my book tour tomorrow. More adventures to come. Stay tuned.