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Monthly Archives: July 2008

Thoughts on “The Jewish Messiah” by Arnon Grunberg

The Jewish Messiah

This was a thrilling, hysterical, maddening novel, and I’m so glad I read it. It had been on hold from the library, and when it came in two weeks ago, it leapt to the front of my pile of Book Expo books and became my top priority. I’d become interested in Grunberg’s novel after hearing him interviewed on KCRW’s Bookworm and learning of the book’s quirky satirical premise: the eccentric grandson of an S.S. officer takes it upon himself to “comfort the Jews.” He joins forces with a rabbi’s son, who becomes his lover, and winds up the trigger-happy fascist leader of an emboldened Jewish state.

Wonderful. The premise reminded me of a story idea I once had which I liked but never developed. The idea was that the grandson or great-grandson of Adolf Hitler becomes the savior of the world. His name: Lenny Hitler. I figured if your last name was Hitler, you’d sure as hell get a lot of grief growing up, and what if that turned you into the most sensitive, caring, altruistic person ever (with some of that old Hitler charisma thrown in for good measure)? Anyhow, as I said, I never went anywhere with this (very different) idea , but you can see how I found Grunberg’s premise attractive.

So enough about my silly ideas, how was the damn book? As a comedy: brilliant. As a novel: wonderful but deeply flawed. As a subject for analysis: dizzying. The first three-quarters of the novel I loved. I can’t remember the last time a book made me laugh out loud so much. Xavier Radeck, the protagonist, is a brilliantly quirky, idealistic, and fatalistic hero. It was a joy to watch the bumbling blossoming of his relationship with Awromele, the rabbi’s son, as they set out to translate Mein Kampf into Yiddish and make promises “not to feel anything” as they fall in love. Xavier, who pretends to be Jewish by birth, gets a botched circumcision which causes him to lose a testicle. For the remainder of the novel, he carries this testicle – which he calls King David – with him in a glass jar. When Xavier becomes determined to be a painter, he explores his passion by painting an unending series of portraits of his mother holding the testicle. Later on, many people believe King David to be the Messiah.

Grunberg creates a large cast of richly drawn unusual characters. The following scene, between the autistic rabbi and his put-upon wife was so funny, I had to scan it and include the page here. All you need to know is that the rabbi’s son has gone missing, and he has organized a meeting of the Committee of Vigilant Jews to deal with the problem. Click here to enjoy (you may need to zoom in to read clearly).

Now that’s comedy, folks. It doesn’t get much better than that.

The joys of the book started to fade for me over the last fifty pages, as the story turned from a dark (and often grotesque) comedy into a satire with a capital S. Throughout the book, Xavier spouts philosophy on art, death, life, and suffering. At times, his words are profound (“art is suffering”). Often, though, they seem nonsensical (“suffering is the emergency exit of beauty”). As the book wears on, the latter becomes more true. As Xavier and Awromele land in Tel Aviv and enter the world of Israeli and then global politics, the philosophy takes over and the narrative absurdity is pushed (at least for this reader) to the point of unbelievability. While I give Grunberg credit for not pulling any punches in his race to the climax, there were just a few too many “that wouldn’t really happen” moments for me to accept in those last fifty pages.

Despite my reservations about the ending, I will always choose a brilliant-but-flawed novel over an unproblematic-but-unmemorable one. The Jewish Messiah has its issues, but the riches abound. It is funny, thought-provoking, and positively fearless.

Dr. Blogstein, I presume . . .

Tomorrow night (7/29), I’ll be appearing on Dr. Blogstein’s Radio Happy Hour on Blog Talk Radio to chat about The Scanal Plan and verbally loiter. The show starts at 9pm EST, and I’ll be on around 9:30pm. If you miss this show live, it will be available for a week on the good doctor’s website (www.drblogstein.com), and archived forever at: www.blogtalkradio.com/DrBlogstein.

It should be a fun time.  Tune in.

We Can’t Drive Sixty-Five

We went car shopping this weekend, and encountered a curious and frustrating new phenomenon. At three consecutive dealerships, we were told that test drives could include street driving only.  No highways.

When we balked at this restriction, two out of the three dealerships bent the rules for us, but the third one stood firm.  As I don’t recall having this trouble when we shopped for cars last year, I can only assume this is a new policy, one that is the product of skittish new insurance rules.

I’m not sure what astounds me more: that a car dealership would expect someone to purchase a vehicle they have never driven on the highway, or that customers are ostensibly playing along.  Who in their right mind would buy a car they have never driven over 35 mph?  When we got the final “no” from dealership number three, we told them politely we wouldn’t be wasting any more of their time.  Or purchasing any of their cars.  And we left.

A test drive that never leaves third gear isn’t foreplay.  It’s a tease.

Al for President

Did any of you actually listen to Al Gore’s recent speech on renewable energy? I folded laundry to it today, and let me tell you, it is some powerful stuff (the speech, not my laundry, although my laundry is also powerful). I know that in this soundbite age, it is rare for any of us to listen to a whole speech from start to finish, but I really recommend it in this case. Some highlights:

“We’re borrowing money from China to buy oil from the Persian Gulf to burn it in ways that destroy the planet. Every bit of that’s got to change…”

“Scientists have confirmed that enough solar energy falls on the surface of the earth every 40 minutes to meet 100 percent of the entire world’s energy needs for a full year. Tapping just a small portion of this solar energy could provide all of the electricity America uses. And enough wind power blows through the Midwest corridor every day to also meet 100 percent of US electricity demand.”

“When we send money to foreign countries to buy nearly 70 percent of the oil we use every day, they build new skyscrapers and we lose jobs. When we spend that money building solar arrays and windmills, we build competitive industries and gain jobs here at home.”

“Today I challenge our nation to commit to producing 100 percent of our electricity from renewable energy and truly clean carbon-free sources within 10 years.”

But listen to it yourself. The whole thing. Fold laundry to it. I recommend. Go to www.wecansolveit.org to hear the whole speech. Then sign the petition. And try not to spend too much time wondering how the last eight years might have turned out differently. If only… That way lies madness.

Our Car Crash, or: The Perils Of Attempted Yoga

A week ago Saturday, C and I got into a car accident while trying to drive to a yoga class. This is ironic in that “attempted yoga” ended up being the culprit that led to a week of stress for the two of us.

Totally the other driver’s fault, of course. This unfortunate woman was listening to her navigation system and rolled through a stop sign, unaware that the major avenue she was crossing did not have stop signs. We couldn’t brake in time and hit her passenger side door. Our airbag deployed, burning C’s thumbs, which were on the wheel, but otherwise having no effect. I got a small dose of whiplash which led to a backboard and a stretcher and a dramatic ambulance ride to Santa Monica hospital. Good times were had by all.

I will spare you any overwrought analysis of the car crash, but will make the following observations:

1. Contrary to popular belief, car crashes do not happen in slow motion. They do, however, provoke multiple episodes of instant replay.

2. When airbags explode open, they really explode. As in, there is an explosion. Which involves heat that burns thumbs, and a chemical reaction that has a distinct odor. My first sensory observation after the impact, a split second before the pain kicked in, was a strange burning smell.

3. It’s worse to be the driver. My injuries were perhaps more serious and dramatic than C’s, but her scars (physical and mental) will take longer to heal. After the crash, I felt angry, but that quickly subsided after 20 minutes or so. C felt guilty for a week (even though it was the other driver’s fault). Guilt is worse.

4. I continue to dislike automotive navigation systems. I still believe they cause more problems than they solve, which is why they rank right behind automatic toilets on my list of least favorite man-made contraptions.

5. I really like Vicodin. I mean, seriously, I really do. It’s–what’s the word?–ah yes: delightful. So what if it made me constipated and unproductive for much of the following week. Nobody’s perfect, right?

Now, 10 days later, I’m feeling mostly better from the whiplash, although my back and neck are still knotted up. It looks like C’s car is totaled, so we have some car shopping in our future, which thrills neither of us. We both still flinch more than usual while driving these days. That jumpiness will take a while to subside.

Nobody wants to be in a car crash, but these things happen. You just hope that, when they do, they are small enough that you can walk away, that the event can serve as a wake-up call and not a goodnight.

So here we are, wide awake, thankful, over-worked, and in need of a good stretch.

Señor Story

Now that things have quieted down a bit on the book front, it becomes apparent to me that I still need to earn a living. At least until The Scandal Plan becomes a staple of the New York Times bestseller list. To that end, I’ve adopted a new identity and web address. You may say this is simply an excuse for me to draw a picture of myself as a sombrero-wearing superhero, and on that score, you may be right. So sue me.

POTUS ‘08 Interview – Sunday —No, make that Monday

For those of you who get XM radio, I’ll be interviewed on the POTUS ‘08 channel in about 12 hours from now.

2pm EST. XM 130. Dig it

*******************ADDENDUM*******************
Wait.  Scratch that.  Just had the interview.  It was pre-recorded.  It will not air until tomorrow.  Monday between 7-9pm EST.

HuffPo #2 – How To Blow A Lead In The Second Half

Check out my latest Huffington Post article here. I wrote it a full week ago, so it would probably be slightly tweaked were I to write it again today, but I won’t nitpick. I think it is still timely. Enjoy.

Hot Bookstore Visits and Amazon Envy

I visited a bunch of LA bookstores this week in what is becoming an increasingly familiar drill. I introduce myself, give a reading copy to the store, sign stock if they carry the book, tell a few jokes, and try to be as nice as I can to the wonderful people who are selling my book. I feel like I’m truly pounding the pavement with these bookstore visits, going door-to-door and handselling to the handsellers–real old school. I did the same thing in New York recently, only without a car, which made it more dramatic, as I lugged a heavy bag of books down one city block after another.

It’s been real cool discovering some of the independent bookstores I’ve never visited before. Each one of them is so unique, and their booksellers are so passionate about what they do. At all the stores, chatting with the employees is definitely the highlight for me. People who sell books tend to be interesting people — whether they work at Booksoup in Hollywood or at Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica.

In other news, after disappointing us by leaving the book off their Father’s Day table, I’m pleased to announce that Barnes & Noble has come through on their summer reading table promises! I’ve been to a bunch of B&Ns and have also heard independent confirmation from friends that THE SCANDAL PLAN is indeed on the summer reading table when you first enter the store. Very exciting.

If only the book were as easy to find elsewhere . . . My biggest frustration continues to be Amazon.com, where just about the only way to stumble across the book is to do a search for it. This presents a challenge because, in my limited experience, people will only buy a book if they know it exists. So, how do we get those people browsing through Amazon.com to know that THE SCANDAL PLAN exists? Well, I’m glad I asked me. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Strategy #1: Become a bestseller.

I have to say, all things considered, Strategy #1 is not a bad strategy. The more I think about it, though, I believe I might need a backup plan. You know, just in case. How about this:

Strategy #2: Harassing friends for Amazon Tags, Search Tags, and Reviews.

Yes, I need help for this strategy, so I’ll speak to you directly, whoever happens to be reading my blog now. If you’ve ever purchased anything on Amazon, then you can write reviews and tag items with words and phrases to make it easier to find said item. If you’ve read my book and liked it, I’d ask that you please take a few minutes to write a quick review online and tag my book.

How do I tag a book? Click here to learn how to tag a book with regular tags and here to learn how to tag with the more important search tags. As for reviews, I’ve had a couple friends who wrote some good Amazon reviews (and a bunch of strangers), but I need more.

If you are one of my friends or you’re on my mailing list, you probably received an e-mail from me requesting just this kind of assistance with reviews and tags. Now, my friends are wonderful people and they’ve been super supportive, buying my book and flooding me with e-mails telling me how much they’ve enjoyed it, but, as far as Amazon reviews are concerned, I think everyone is just assuming that everyone else is doing it — because my recent spamming of several hundred people has resulted in . . . that’s right . . . zero new reviews to date. So at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’d ask those who are reading this to please step up and make your voice heard!

Beyond the world of Amazon, there are many other ways for fans of THE SCANDAL PLAN to help spread the word, and I’ve put together a list of all these strategies on a new page of my website called: Campaign for My Book!

Subtle, I know. Anyhow, check it out if you get a chance, and if you can think of any strategies I’ve overlooked, please leave me a comment and let me know. I feel bad that I keep bugging you all for your help, as you are the ones to whom I owe the most already, but the simple truth is that in order for Book #2 to see the light of day, Book #1 needs to be a success. And, as always, I can’t do it without you.

Okay. Enough of my yapping. I promise to keep the self-promotional pleas to a minimum from here on out. Now it’s time to get back to the real work.