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Politics

Obama “Assasination Plot”: Newsworthy?

For those of you who haven’t heard the news, the ATF recently broke up a plot by two spectacularly daft Neo-Nazi skinheads to assassinate democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama (click here for story).  Their plan: to rob a gun store, commit a Columbine style massacre at a predominantly black high school, then go on a national killing spree, and THEN kill Barack Obama by — get this — driving, “their vehicle as fast as they could toward Obama shooting at him from the windows.”

Brilliant.  How could it fail?  My question: does this actually qualify as news?  Doesn’t a potential criminal mastermind need to clear some competency bar before he/she/they are rewarded with free publicity and their photos on the network news?  I mean, c’mon.  These guys never even got so far as step one: ”rob a gun store.”  Incidentally, if you’re looking for an easy store to rob, I wouldn’t put gunstore on your list.  Usually armed robbery works best when the robber is more heavily robbed than those he is robbing.

We should all consider ourselves lucky that racism and stupidity go so neatly hand in hand.

Why My New Health Insurance Is Cool (and Why You Should Be Scared Of John McCain’s Health Care Plan)

I recently went to the doctor.  He gave me two x-rays and a shot.  I paid a $20 copay to the receptionist and went along my merry way.  This is life on a decent employer-based health care plan: My wife’s.

Prior to getting married two months ago, I had what I refer to as “crap insurance.”  It was an individual health care plan that I paid for out of my own pocket.  My monthly bill was high.  The deductible was high.  My choice of doctors was limited.  Rather than paying a set copay when receiving medical care, I would get bills in the mail which sometimes made sense and sometimes did not.  Misunderstandings/disagreements with the insurance company over what was covered and what was not happened multiple times.  Here’s the best part: only generic drugs were covered.  “Hey, what are the odds I’ll ever need a non-generic drug?” I thought when I decided to save 50 bucks on my monthly bill.  Do you want to take a guess?  This is life on a crap insurance policy.  And to be fair, this is the life of a relatively healthy youngish person on a crap insurance policy.

I’ve been on a number of these plans from different carriers throughout my time as an inconsistently employed artistic type.  They are all for the birds.  And guess what?  With John McCain, this is the direction health care will be headed in.

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Initial Reaction to Presidential Debate #3

Best debate yet.  Bob Schieffer rocks me. Incidentally, if you ever happen to be driving across the country and are looking for a good book on tape, I highly recommend Schieffer’s memoir, This Just In : What I Couldn’t Tell You on TV.  Schieffer has been in the trenches, reporting on many of the biggest stories of the last forty years, and he has lots of juicy stories to tell.

Barack got a slow start again tonight, but finished strong.  He was evasive during the question about Joe Plumber’s taxes, and McCain scored big points there.  In debate #3, John McCain finally managed to sustain a consistent message for the duration of the evening.  It certainly wasn’t original, but McCain’s classic “this liberal will spend all your money” attack was hammered home repeatedly throughout the 90 minutes with some success.  McCain may have gained a little ground tonight, though I doubt he gained much.

Obama started to come alive again once the question of negative campaigning was raised. Here he found his footing, and from this point on, the debate was all his. McCain seemed petulant, angry, cranky, and downright curmudgeonly, while Obama was Mr. Cool: eloquent, reasonable, and thoughtful.  Every attack of McCain’s after that first 30 minutes was effectively defused by Obama, while many of Obama’s attacks were rebutted with less skill.  Obama continued to be effective at addressing his answers to the middle class, looking deep into the camera’s eye, and oozing presidentiality.

I continue to be amazed by McCain’s obvious contempt for Obama.  He so clearly hates him with every fiber of his being.  At this point, I find myself watching and just wondering when John McCain’s head is going to spontaneously explode.  The Arizona senator has one of the world’s worst poker faces.  My wife has a better poker face, and trust me, you would love to play poker with my wife.  (On a side note, I’ve just realized that, as a married man, I can now tell “my wife” jokes.  Oh, I know someone in the next room who is going to be thrilled to find this out!)

On the whole, another fun night for us political junkies.  To put this in CNN speak: a red-meat night, all about Main Street, but no game-changers.  Ah, CNN, how I tire of thee …  And yet I continue to watch.

More soon, my friends

Last minute advice for Joe Biden

Okay, Joe, practice the line, just like this:

“With all due respect, Governor, your answer is gibberish.”

Yes, of course, you shouldn’t condescend.  Of course, you shouldn’t call her “Sarah” or “Sweetie” or act frustrated with her.  Of course you should be polite and wear a broad smile for the duration of the debate.

But please don’t be too nice.  Please don’t pull any punches.  Lord knows, she won’t.  Sarah Palin will be in attack mode, and you can’t just be playing defense.  Attack.  Attack.  Attack — gently, and with a smile — but attack, please.  Don’t be hamstrung by all this caution that your handlers are preaching. 

And, for crying out loud, when she is inarticulate, call her on it.  Draw attention to it.  Will you be criticized for this afterwards?  Yes, but that will happen anyway.  By calling out Palin’s verbal gibberish, you will force her words to be re-examined and replayed.  And that’s as it should be.

PREDICTION: Joe Biden will be mostly gaffe-free, Palin, more articulate than expected, but still shaky.  All of her ills will be blamed on moderator Gwen Ifill’s ”biased” questioning. 

CONSPIRACY THEORY: McCain’s campaign knew about Ifill’s Obama book before she was announced as moderator, but chose not to say anything about it at the time.  Why?  They knew she would be an even-handed questioner, but a late hour revelation of the book would allow them to use her as a scapegoat, pegged with their new favorite expression: “in the tank for Obama.” 

HuffPo #4 – Let’s Be Blue – A Plea for Partisanship

Here’s my latest article on the Huffington Post, where I argue for Democrats to use the word “Democrat” again.  If you like it, please buzz it up.  After a few posts, I finally have my own login information at HuffPo, so I’ll now be able to post directly to the site whenever I choose. This will be much nicer than my old method of posting, which involved a long e-mail chain and sometimes meant significant delays between when an article was written and when it got posted.  This should mean more posts from me as well.  Very exciting.  Thanks to those who made this a reality.

If you happen to be reading my blog and have not yet read my book (a small demographic, I’m sure), you may suspect the book to be quite the polemic–particularly given my last two posts. Rest assured, this is not the case.  I take great pains to avoid beating anyone over the head with a political agenda in my fiction.  The book is meant to be enjoyable for readers of all political persuasions, and my goal as a satirist is to raise questions rather than answer them.  So please forgive me if I get a bit heated in my blog posts these days. We’ve reached that all-too-familiar moment in the political season where I start to fear the rest of the country is living in a different reality than I am, one in which facts are subjective, where up is down and down is up and who wears lipstick is more important than who lives or dies.  It’s crazy season.

Sarah Palin is Dick Cheney but Worse

My original title for this post was “Sarah Palin is Geraldine Ferraro but Worse,” but in the end, I decided to go with the Dick Cheney comparison in the name of symmetry (click to read my “Joe Biden is Dick Cheney but in a Good Way” post).  Either comparison is equally valid.

Walter Mondale’s pick of Geraldine Ferraro in 1984 was applauded by women but viewed with skepticism by many Republicans.  Ferraro was not the most experienced potential vice president, having served only three terms in the House of Representatives. Was this a gender-based affirmative action pick?  Was it stunt casting?  If the motives behind Mondale’s choice of Ferraro were at worst questionable, the motives behind McCain’s choice of Palin are at best transparently calculating and monstrously hypocritical.

Sarah Palin was not picked because John McCain thought she would make the best vice president.  Fact.  She was picked because he thought she could help him win the election, because John McCain cynically believed that Palin could get both the religious right and disaffected female Hillary supporters onto the big red bus.  She was picked because she had extreme right wing views, folksy charm, and a vagina.  That’s it. That’s the reason–and if you think otherwise, you are clearly drinking the Kool Aid.

The reasons behind McCain’s choice of Palin are so transparent as to be insulting.  Particularly, when one considers the first couple months of McCain’s campaign, during which time, all we heard from the senator was how critical it was to elect someone with experience to the Oval Office.  Experience!  Experience!  Experience!  And then he chooses an obscure governor with less than two years experience who has only traveled outside the continent one time as his pick to be the next potential leader of the free world?  Is your intelligence being insulted here, voter?  Does this bother you?  AND … have we started to notice a theme here with McCain’s hypocrisy?  One needn’t go back to 2000 to play the “let’s listen to old John McCain debate new John McCain” game.  One need only go back a month!

Which leads us to a new theme, one that should be the Democrats’ rallying cry for the next 50 days: “John McCain will say and do absolutely anything to get elected.”  His principles have left the building.  The dirty campaign ads, the flip flops on energy, on the Bush tax cuts, on …

But now I’ve gotten off track.  I was talking about Sarah Palin.  Oh, yes.  And how she is like Ferraro.  But much worse.  And Dick Cheney.  But much worse.

“Much worse than Dick Cheney?” you say, “Dick Cheney, evil overlord of the Bush presidency?  Surely, you must be joking. How can anyone be worse than Dick Cheney?”  Let’s look at what she believes.  Is she all that different from Dick Cheney?  Are her views any more moderate?   Would she be the slightest bit less trigger-happy as commander in chief than he?  Does she express any more enthusiasm toward the idea of diplomacy?  Is she at all less likely to be accused of cronyism?  Surely, his social views are more in the mainstream than hers.  When you look at the issues, Sarah Palin is every bit as extreme as Dick Cheney, but with less experience to back up those convictions on almost every count.

And here’s how she’s worse: she’s likable.  Dick Cheney’s bad judgement and underhandedness may be colossal, but I’ll say this for him: at least he looks the part.  His exterior is a caricature of his interior.  This makes him, on some level, less dangerous. As the movies teach us, the most frightening characters are not those with fangs and a cape; they’re easy to avoid.  No, the scariest ones are those who look and talk just like us, those with appealing exteriors, those who know how to charm us, even as they trick us into privatizing social security and fighting made-up wars.

In fact, maybe I’ve made a mistake in my Sarah Palin comparisons.  I’ve over-looked the most obvious and frightening of them all.  Now who was that inexperienced governor they called a reformer?  You know, the one who held grudges and tried to make us believe his lies even after they were proved false …

I think I’ve blocked the name.

Joe Biden is Dick Cheney in a Good Way

I’ve been rooting for Joe Biden for VP ever since the Obama/Hillary nastiness made that “dream ticket” an impossibility. I’m thrilled that Obama has shown the smarts to pick him. Biden brings everything to the ticket Obama needs: experience, straight-talk, military credibility (did you know he’s got a son in the National Guard?), working class roots, and did I mention experience? He compliments Obama’s weaknesses perfectly.

Biden is to Obama what Cheney was to Bush in 2000. But better. In 2000, aside from his governorship of Texas, George W. had a rather thin resume. Nice speeches, but was he ready to lead? Having Cheney on the ticket was an insurance policy for the voters; it reassured them that there was a grownup around to watch over the idealistic young president. Why, if an old pro like Cheney was willing to vouch for W’s foreign policy credentials, if he of all people was willing to hitch his wagon to W’s, then certainly, I, as a voter, should be confident as well, shouldn’t I? Biden does the same for Obama.
(Yes, of course, the Republicans are now trying to use Biden’s own words against him, saying that Biden–in the primaries–argued that Obama was not ready. But the quote they’re using is weak, and this one won’t stick.)

Another Cheney comparison: the attack dog thing. Biden, like Cheney, will speak his mind and say bad things about the other candidate that may not be politically correct. He’ll fire the shots but suffer few consequences because — after all — he’s just the vice presidential candidate. But Biden will do this better, because, unlike Cheney, he’s actually likeable. Cheney talks tough, but he’s also secretive, nasty, and anti-charismatic. Biden, on the other hand, comes across as a straight-shooting, tell-it-like-it-is, all-American kind of politician. He’s blunt and will be a great asset in attacking the McCain platform without getting too dirty. I salivate at the prospect of a Biden-Romney debate. Romney’s biggest weakness is his lack of authenticity. Standing next to Biden, he’d seem like a cardboard cutout, a fraud, a pretender to the crown.

Biden is not just a help politically. He is perfectly equipped to be an ideal vice president once in office. His voluminous experience in the Senate and in foreign policy combined with the willingness to give Obama honest feedback rather than blind allegiance makes him the best possible match for our hope-filled frontrunner. In choosing Biden, Obama has aced his first major decision as potential commander-in-chief. This decision speaks well for all involved.

The Satirists Dilemma

Check out my guest essay on Beatrice.com by clicking here.

I’ve included the text here:
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HuffPo #3 – I’m Going To Sue John Edwards For Plagiarism

Read my latest on Huffington Post here.  This is where I call out John Edwards — not just for lifting many elements of his sex scandal from my book — but also for having the audacity to do it so terribly.  I provide advice on how politicians can make the most of their sex scandals.  If you like the article, forward it to a friend.

John Phillips—er, I mean Edwards

Poor unoriginal John Edwards. Twenty-four hours later, my head is still reeling from the parallels between his sex scandal and the one I wrote about in The Scandal Plan. It’s eery. Check out these quotes I scraped together from HuffPo:

Elizabeth Edwards as Melissa Phillips:
“Elizabeth Edwards says her husband told her about the affair in 2006 and they worked through it. “This was our private matter,” she writes.”

Rielle Hunter as Tina James:
“Jay McInerney reveals that Hunter was the basis for Alison Poole, the main character of his book, Story of My Life. “It was narrated in the first person,” McInerney writes in the intro to the interview, “from the point of view of an ostensibly jaded, cocaine-addled, sexually voracious 20-year old who was, shall we say, inspired by Lisa [aka Rielle].”

John Edwards as Ben Phillips:
“I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs. I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness. Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public.”

Crazy, no?

Of course, it’s a pity. I liked John Edwards. I liked his message. I liked his wife. And, yes, it’s sad to see this happen. But, in my own self-absorbed way, I can’t help but wonder how this will impact the fortunes of my little book. That’s the crazy thing about trafficking in political satire. What is good for business is usually bad for someone else.

I stayed up late last night crafting my official response to the scandal, and you will be able to read that soon. Until then, enjoy the media frenzy. Let the self-righteous indignation commence …

“I’m shocked! Shocked, I say!”