This bird played a terribly small role in my last two days at BookExpo America. In fact, it played no role at all. It was hanging out in the booth of some veterinary-themed publisher that I happened to walk by. I took its picture because I thought it looked cool. If I can think of some way to make it relevant to this blog post on some metaphoric level, I shall, but for now, dear reader, you will have to content yourself with starting this dispatch on a red herring (or a black toucan, as it were).

BEA rocked. For those who don’t know, BookExpo America is this enormous trade show for the publishing industry that was held this year at the LA Convention Center. And I went. Coolness.

It was an intense two days (I went just for Friday and Saturday). I schmoozed my heart out, got lots of free books, walked till my feet were falling off, and gave away a million business cards. On Friday, I was interviewed for a short podcast, which went well, and then, I had a half-hour book signing.

The signing was lots of fun. There were about 25-30 tables lined up in the signing hall. Some, for the big authors, had huge lines. Some, for the unknown folks, had no line. While there was never a huge line for me, I did have a steady flow of people for pretty much the entire half-hour, and we went through 3 boxes of books. It was a real trip meeting all the strangers who came to my table and knowing that many of them would actually be reading my book. Even knowing that some of them would only turn around and try to sell the book on eBay still filled me with a certain kind of warmth. Good times.

After the signing, Ben, the William Morrow publicity dude who had been assigned to look after me, helped me carry two of the three remaining book boxes the length of the Convention Center, back to the Harper Collins booth. I would later return for the third. As I said, lots of walking. I signed these other three boxes later in the day at the Harper Collins booth, and half of those went while I was standing there. The rest were all gone by first thing Saturday morning, and my only regret was that we didn’t have more to give away.

Here are some highlights from the rest of the weekend:

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The day I officially became a published author started undramatically. For the first three quarters of it, I found myself (admittedly a recovering musical theater nerd) humming the words of Fred Ebb:
“When it all comes true, Just the way you planned,
It’s funny but the bells don’t ring. It’s a quiet thing.”

But this tune would prove too simplistic to last the whole day.

I arrived home from work to gift baskets and congratulatory phone calls. This was indeed a special moment. I had big evening plans with C that night: a romantic dinner and 2 bookstore visits. We got in the car and drove to Santa Monica.

Reality hit as we entered Barnes & Noble. We’d been told our book was going to be featured on the Father’s Day Fiction table. It was the first table we saw as we entered the store. Yes! But was my book there? Nope. What about Father’s Day Table #2? New Arrivals? Anywhere on the first floor? Nope, nope, nope. The Barnes & Noble computer led us to the third floor. The new fiction section. The front table? Nope. The back wall? Nope.

Finally, we found it: on the far end of the featured table, practically at floor level

It was kind of funny. If I was trying to hide a book, this is exactly where I would’ve hidden it. While I was, at first, disappointed, I quickly reasoned that this placement could be ideal. If a shopper were to trip and fall onto the floor, there’s a good chance he or she might end up face-to-face with the book. Then, in a delirious state, the shopper would undoubtedly respond to the suggestive cover and would immediately purchase three copies. This scenario is demonstrated in the picture below:

C and I made sure to rearrange the stacks before we left so that THE SCANDAL PLAN was prominently displayed on both the new fiction table (switching it out with Nora Roberts, who really doesn’t need the money), on the back wall, and in the stacks next to Ken Follett.

Then a walk down 3rd Street to Borders.

Where we found one copy of the book upstairs in the stacks where no one was likely to stumble upon it by accident. C rationalized that perhaps all the local Borders copies had simply gone to the Century City store in anticipation of my reading next week. Perhaps. Also on the bright side, the Barnes & Noble in Santa Monica did carry 20 copies of the book, which would have been kind of impressive had they been displayed where anyone might have seen them.

I’m told from relatives that some have had more successful bookstore visits looking for my book (if you’re in my Facebook group, check out the pics with my soon-to-be nephews: adorable), but this was indeed a humbling experience. It reminded me that, rather than being an end to something, a quiet crowning achievement, my pub date was really just another beginning. It was the start of another journey, the beginning of another challenge. How do we get from the back table to the front table? To ape political-speak, this book has been an underdog from square one. I have the rejection letters to prove it. A political satire? From a first time author? Who’s never worked in Washington? But we’ve gotten this far. And at every turn, it just took one person and one opportunity to make the difference.

Please let me know what your bookstore experiences have been with this book, and if you go into a bookstore that has the book hidden, feel free to rearrange the tables accordingly to give us a fighting chance. If anyone questions you about it, say it is your friend’s book and act nice, and the employees will probably be forgiving. They probably could care less anyhow.

Onward!

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ADDENDUM: Just talked with my editor. He says rearranging books without permission might not be the best idea. Instead he encourages you to engage the bookseller in conversation. Talk up the book. “Hey, this is my friend’s book. It is so much fun. If you know anyone who is looking for a great summer read, this book is terrific. So hard to put down.” etc. ALSO, if you are in a Barnes & Noble and the book is not on the Father’s Day table, let me know the details asap! (What store? How many copies did they have? Where were they?) I want to collect this information so I can have my editor pass it along to their B&N person and hopefully rectify the situation.