HomeAbout BillThe Scandal PlanEventsPressFilmOther WorkKeep In TouchBlog

So then I got married …

Bill & Carin\'s Wedding - sunflowers

You may have noticed it has been a while since I’ve written. Funny thing, really. I went and got myself married. Trust me, I have no shortage of opinions about everything that’s been going on in the country lately. I’ve just been too busy to write.

As for the wedding, it was perfect: truly, the best day of our lives. And let me tell you, we were not shooting for “best day of our lives.” We just wanted to make it a good day. We wanted to make sure we didn’t to get so caught up in last-minute crises or minutiae that we didn’t enjoy ourselves. We also didn’t want to spend so much time worrying about pleasing everyone else that we didn’t get to enjoy the amazing food or spend time on the dance floor. Mission accomplished.

I felt like a very lucky man on my wedding day: lucky to be marrying the girl I was, lucky to have such amazing friends, lucky to come from (and be marrying into) such a loving family. I felt very rich. The people in my life make me a wealthy man (even when my book sales do not).

But I’ll spare you any more gushing. Here is photographic evidence:

Awesome Wedding Picture

carinbill-noses-willow

To see more pics by our amazing photographers, you can check out this slideshow.

Joe Biden is Dick Cheney in a Good Way

I’ve been rooting for Joe Biden for VP ever since the Obama/Hillary nastiness made that “dream ticket” an impossibility. I’m thrilled that Obama has shown the smarts to pick him. Biden brings everything to the ticket Obama needs: experience, straight-talk, military credibility (did you know he’s got a son in the National Guard?), working class roots, and did I mention experience? He compliments Obama’s weaknesses perfectly.

Biden is to Obama what Cheney was to Bush in 2000. But better. In 2000, aside from his governorship of Texas, George W. had a rather thin resume. Nice speeches, but was he ready to lead? Having Cheney on the ticket was an insurance policy for the voters; it reassured them that there was a grownup around to watch over the idealistic young president. Why, if an old pro like Cheney was willing to vouch for W’s foreign policy credentials, if he of all people was willing to hitch his wagon to W’s, then certainly, I, as a voter, should be confident as well, shouldn’t I? Biden does the same for Obama.
(Yes, of course, the Republicans are now trying to use Biden’s own words against him, saying that Biden–in the primaries–argued that Obama was not ready. But the quote they’re using is weak, and this one won’t stick.)

Another Cheney comparison: the attack dog thing. Biden, like Cheney, will speak his mind and say bad things about the other candidate that may not be politically correct. He’ll fire the shots but suffer few consequences because — after all — he’s just the vice presidential candidate. But Biden will do this better, because, unlike Cheney, he’s actually likeable. Cheney talks tough, but he’s also secretive, nasty, and anti-charismatic. Biden, on the other hand, comes across as a straight-shooting, tell-it-like-it-is, all-American kind of politician. He’s blunt and will be a great asset in attacking the McCain platform without getting too dirty. I salivate at the prospect of a Biden-Romney debate. Romney’s biggest weakness is his lack of authenticity. Standing next to Biden, he’d seem like a cardboard cutout, a fraud, a pretender to the crown.

Biden is not just a help politically. He is perfectly equipped to be an ideal vice president once in office. His voluminous experience in the Senate and in foreign policy combined with the willingness to give Obama honest feedback rather than blind allegiance makes him the best possible match for our hope-filled frontrunner. In choosing Biden, Obama has aced his first major decision as potential commander-in-chief. This decision speaks well for all involved.

The Satirists Dilemma

Check out my guest essay on Beatrice.com by clicking here.

I’ve included the text here:
Read More »

10 Days to go …

I’ve been a bad blogger this month.  I’m getting married in 10 days, and blogging has not been foremost in my mind.  More soon.

HuffPo #3 - I’m Going To Sue John Edwards For Plagiarism

Read my latest on Huffington Post here.  This is where I call out John Edwards — not just for lifting many elements of his sex scandal from my book — but also for having the audacity to do it so terribly.  I provide advice on how politicians can make the most of their sex scandals.  If you like the article, forward it to a friend.

John Phillips—er, I mean Edwards

Poor unoriginal John Edwards. Twenty-four hours later, my head is still reeling from the parallels between his sex scandal and the one I wrote about in The Scandal Plan. It’s eery. Check out these quotes I scraped together from HuffPo:

Elizabeth Edwards as Melissa Phillips:
“Elizabeth Edwards says her husband told her about the affair in 2006 and they worked through it. “This was our private matter,” she writes.”

Rielle Hunter as Tina James:
“Jay McInerney reveals that Hunter was the basis for Alison Poole, the main character of his book, Story of My Life. “It was narrated in the first person,” McInerney writes in the intro to the interview, “from the point of view of an ostensibly jaded, cocaine-addled, sexually voracious 20-year old who was, shall we say, inspired by Lisa [aka Rielle].”

John Edwards as Ben Phillips:
“I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs. I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness. Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public.”

Crazy, no?

Of course, it’s a pity. I liked John Edwards. I liked his message. I liked his wife. And, yes, it’s sad to see this happen. But, in my own self-absorbed way, I can’t help but wonder how this will impact the fortunes of my little book. That’s the crazy thing about trafficking in political satire. What is good for business is usually bad for someone else.

I stayed up late last night crafting my official response to the scandal, and you will be able to read that soon. Until then, enjoy the media frenzy. Let the self-righteous indignation commence …

“I’m shocked! Shocked, I say!”

Thoughts on “The Jewish Messiah” by Arnon Grunberg

The Jewish Messiah

This was a thrilling, hysterical, maddening novel, and I’m so glad I read it. It had been on hold from the library, and when it came in two weeks ago, it leapt to the front of my pile of Book Expo books and became my top priority. I’d become interested in Grunberg’s novel after hearing him interviewed on KCRW’s Bookworm and learning of the book’s quirky satirical premise: the eccentric grandson of an S.S. officer takes it upon himself to “comfort the Jews.” He joins forces with a rabbi’s son, who becomes his lover, and winds up the trigger-happy fascist leader of an emboldened Jewish state.

Wonderful. The premise reminded me of a story idea I once had which I liked but never developed. The idea was that the grandson or great-grandson of Adolf Hitler becomes the savior of the world. His name: Lenny Hitler. I figured if your last name was Hitler, you’d sure as hell get a lot of grief growing up, and what if that turned you into the most sensitive, caring, altruistic person ever (with some of that old Hitler charisma thrown in for good measure)? Anyhow, as I said, I never went anywhere with this (very different) idea , but you can see how I found Grunberg’s premise attractive.

So enough about my silly ideas, how was the damn book? As a comedy: brilliant. As a novel: wonderful but deeply flawed. As a subject for analysis: dizzying. The first three-quarters of the novel I loved. I can’t remember the last time a book made me laugh out loud so much. Xavier Radeck, the protagonist, is a brilliantly quirky, idealistic, and fatalistic hero. It was a joy to watch the bumbling blossoming of his relationship with Awromele, the rabbi’s son, as they set out to translate Mein Kampf into Yiddish and make promises “not to feel anything” as they fall in love. Xavier, who pretends to be Jewish by birth, gets a botched circumcision which causes him to lose a testicle. For the remainder of the novel, he carries this testicle – which he calls King David – with him in a glass jar. When Xavier becomes determined to be a painter, he explores his passion by painting an unending series of portraits of his mother holding the testicle. Later on, many people believe King David to be the Messiah.

Grunberg creates a large cast of richly drawn unusual characters. The following scene, between the autistic rabbi and his put-upon wife was so funny, I had to scan it and include the page here. All you need to know is that the rabbi’s son has gone missing, and he has organized a meeting of the Committee of Vigilant Jews to deal with the problem. Click here to enjoy (you may need to zoom in to read clearly).

Now that’s comedy, folks. It doesn’t get much better than that.

The joys of the book started to fade for me over the last fifty pages, as the story turned from a dark (and often grotesque) comedy into a satire with a capital S. Throughout the book, Xavier spouts philosophy on art, death, life, and suffering. At times, his words are profound (“art is suffering”). Often, though, they seem nonsensical (“suffering is the emergency exit of beauty”). As the book wears on, the latter becomes more true. As Xavier and Awromele land in Tel Aviv and enter the world of Israeli and then global politics, the philosophy takes over and the narrative absurdity is pushed (at least for this reader) to the point of unbelievability. While I give Grunberg credit for not pulling any punches in his race to the climax, there were just a few too many “that wouldn’t really happen” moments for me to accept in those last fifty pages.

Despite my reservations about the ending, I will always choose a brilliant-but-flawed novel over an unproblematic-but-unmemorable one. The Jewish Messiah has its issues, but the riches abound. It is funny, thought-provoking, and positively fearless.

Dr. Blogstein, I presume . . .

Tomorrow night (7/29), I’ll be appearing on Dr. Blogstein’s Radio Happy Hour on Blog Talk Radio to chat about The Scanal Plan and verbally loiter. The show starts at 9pm EST, and I’ll be on around 9:30pm. If you miss this show live, it will be available for a week on the good doctor’s website (www.drblogstein.com), and archived forever at: www.blogtalkradio.com/DrBlogstein.

It should be a fun time.  Tune in.

We Can’t Drive Sixty-Five

We went car shopping this weekend, and encountered a curious and frustrating new phenomenon. At three consecutive dealerships, we were told that test drives could include street driving only.  No highways.

When we balked at this restriction, two out of the three dealerships bent the rules for us, but the third one stood firm.  As I don’t recall having this trouble when we shopped for cars last year, I can only assume this is a new policy, one that is the product of skittish new insurance rules.

I’m not sure what astounds me more: that a car dealership would expect someone to purchase a vehicle they have never driven on the highway, or that customers are ostensibly playing along.  Who in their right mind would buy a car they have never driven over 35 mph?  When we got the final “no” from dealership number three, we told them politely we wouldn’t be wasting any more of their time.  Or purchasing any of their cars.  And we left.

A test drive that never leaves third gear isn’t foreplay.  It’s a tease.

Al for President

Did any of you actually listen to Al Gore’s recent speech on renewable energy? I folded laundry to it today, and let me tell you, it is some powerful stuff (the speech, not my laundry, although my laundry is also powerful). I know that in this soundbite age, it is rare for any of us to listen to a whole speech from start to finish, but I really recommend it in this case. Some highlights:

“We’re borrowing money from China to buy oil from the Persian Gulf to burn it in ways that destroy the planet. Every bit of that’s got to change…”

“Scientists have confirmed that enough solar energy falls on the surface of the earth every 40 minutes to meet 100 percent of the entire world’s energy needs for a full year. Tapping just a small portion of this solar energy could provide all of the electricity America uses. And enough wind power blows through the Midwest corridor every day to also meet 100 percent of US electricity demand.”

“When we send money to foreign countries to buy nearly 70 percent of the oil we use every day, they build new skyscrapers and we lose jobs. When we spend that money building solar arrays and windmills, we build competitive industries and gain jobs here at home.”

“Today I challenge our nation to commit to producing 100 percent of our electricity from renewable energy and truly clean carbon-free sources within 10 years.”

But listen to it yourself. The whole thing. Fold laundry to it. I recommend. Go to www.wecansolveit.org to hear the whole speech. Then sign the petition. And try not to spend too much time wondering how the last eight years might have turned out differently. If only… That way lies madness.

Close
Powered by ShareThis